Online Dating: Fall Forward into Love
Nov 19, 2010 Dating True Stories
Would you like that special someone sitting next to at Thanksgiving dinner? Would you like a relationship partner to enjoy all of the experiences of the Christmas season? You can do it. You are actually already programmed for it.
The fall can move you forward.
Think about it. From the time you started kindergarten, and all through grade school, high school, and college, life always brought new people into your life this time of year. There were new teachers, new students, new neighbors, and new people you met through extracurricular activities. These new social beginnings always kicked in during the fall, when a new school year began.
You’re already programmed, you’re already conditioned to meet new people during the fall season. There is no reason you can’t meet someone right now. After all, they are programmed for it as well.
The fall often brings a new wardrobe or at some new clothes or a mini-makeover. Again, we were conditioned for it from always needing to buy new clothes for the school year, right? At least with something new, most men and women might tend to feel a sense of being more attractive or refreshed, or even a new supply of hope to meet someone for dating, companionship, or the love of a long term relationship.
But the being ready to go for it spirit really comes from knowing the holiday season is rapidly approaching. No one wants to face the feelings of being lonely or depressed. This fear often motivates people to search harder, to date more, to find someone else even if it’s just “Mr. Right Now.” We just want to avoid being alone during the holidays. This is so powerful a concern that many men and men actually feel social anxiety about it. Thus, singles often create a real need for a love attachment of some kind.
So no matter what age you are, where you are geographically, and where you are in your life, if you are old enough to be dating, why not get yourself out there and do it? Just go on out and meet new people. It’s just doing what comes naturally during the fall. It’s following the programming and conditioning that is already inside you.
And be sure to use the power of online dating to jump start or compliment the networking you do in person. Create an online dating profile. Take some new online dating photos of yourself. There are so many online dating sites to choose from. Pick one or pick a few and make your own online dating news, become your own positive online dating statistic or success story. Fall into love and enjoy a happy holiday season!
Tags: online dating news, online dating photos, online dating statistic, singles
Why do BBW’s Get to Throw Their Weight Around in Online Dating?
Oct 23, 2010 Dating True Stories
I hear voices. So what? I hear songs, too. In fact, I can still sing along with Ray Stevens’ huge hit from 1970, “Everything is Beautiful.” Part of the lyrics was, “Everybody’s beautiful in their own way…”
Bigger is better. Yeah I’ve heard. There are popular reasons for it such as a value meal, better cushion for the pushin, more to love, and so on.
I’m just like you. In some ways I wish I was bigger. In other ways I wish I was smaller. Guess all you want.
Size matters. I get it. But looks matter, too. Don’t they? To me they do. That’s why I’m using this online dating blog to generate food for thought about BBWs.
Long before online dating and nine years after Ray Stevens’ greatest hit, Carole Shaw had hers. She deserves credit for coining and copyrighting the phrases “Big Beautiful Women” and “BBW” when she launched BBW Magazine for plus-size women.
No matter how accurate a term it is, nobody wants to be labeled as “morbidly obese.” It’s just not flattering. Nor is it socially acceptable.
I also understand that saying “Fat” ain’t where it’s at. Full-figured seems diplomatic and user friendly. Plus-sized sounds pretty positive, too. But these softened descriptions and all others like them don’t add up to BBW. It’s a term that’s grown more mainstream than the magazine and its marketing mission ever was.
Good for Carole Shaw and her creativity and entrepreneurial spirit. However, I just want to weigh in that I find fault with her phrases the way they are used today in online dating and society in general. Here’s why with just one case in point.
Years ago there was a dancer named Avalanche at my friend Shawn’s rather tame bachelor party. She said she was 402 pounds. She was warned that she wouldn’t get paid if she took off her clothes in her performance. Depending on the person, her appearance was the highlight or lowlight of the evening festivities.
It’s important to state that this woman put herself through the laughter and ridicule in return for money. No one forced her to do such shows. I remember she body slammed my friend who is a big guy and practically killed him. He was still sore a week later at the wedding. But what I vividly remember most and wished I didn’t was that when the light hit her face just right, she was one of the least attractive people I’ve ever seen. It had little to do with her weight.
I’m glad that the online dating industry features a sizable niche for overweight singles and those who are attracted to them. Go for it people. Make your own online dating news. From a business standpoint, BBW online dating websites make sense given the fact that America is growing more obese every year.
I work hard to stay height weight proportionate. It’s not fun. Still, I’m totally fine with big women basically saying, “This is who I am, take it or leave it.” That’s their attitude and their choice.
Sure, we call old people “seniors.” But we don’t call all Caucasians, African-Americans, Latinos, tall people, short people, disabled people, or middle-aged, average-sized Irishmen like me – beautiful.
Simply put…to me, BBW is often BS today.
It’s an overused, overweight stereotype. Not all big or obese women are beautiful. And so they shouldn’t try to seize an advantage in online dating by throwing their weight around using the euphemism – BBW.
Tags: BBW, online dating news
Dear Online Dating Diary: Zoosk Thinks I’m Ugly!
Oct 20, 2010 Dating True Stories
Mirror Mirror on the wall. I must be the ugliest of them all. Based on who Zoosk is matching me with, I’m convinced of it. I don’t want to make this kind of online dating news. Say it ain’t so!
While I am not Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington, Tom Brady or Derek Jeter, I don’t think I’m that bad looking. Even if you think I fell out of God’s ugly tree, I didn’t hit every single branch on the way down.
Since I write an online dating blog, I decided to explore the fast-growing online dating site and Facebook app, Zoosk. One of its features for single men and women is called the Zoosk Scientific Match System. It goes by the acronym ZSMS. Sadly, in my personal experience so far, I’m thinking ZSMS stands for:
Zero Science MatchMaking Skills.
Here’s how it works or doesn’t work. Every day I am sent an email informing me I have been matched with another woman. Both of us have been notified and asked to vote on each other’s profile within 24 hours. All responses stay anonymous unless both singles approve. Otherwise, neither person knows about the other person’s response.
There is nothing in my eyes with the Zoosk Scientific Match System that even remotely resembles the law of attraction. Yeah I know, I’m like every other guy trying to upgrade to find a woman who is too good for me. But c’mon, couldn’t the Zoosk computers once in a while match me with someone I’d consider to be sexy or at least attractive?
The reality is most of the women I’ve been matched with by Zoosk are so not my type upon first glance that I’m now fully expecting to hit the decline button. I don’t even need to scroll down to the online dating profiles any more.
It’s been so disappointing I’ve reached the point that I consider it a moral victory if once in a while I happen to weigh less than a woman ZSMS recommends for me.
In the Zoosk forum I can see that ZSMS calculates matches for Zooskers according to their search criteria. It claims that over time, ZSMS will learn more about your preferences and will work to find your best match. Here’s more of how they describle the Zoosk Scientific Match System:
“Think of it as being like DVRs that suggest television shows to you. At first, TV show suggestions are based on very basic criteria along the lines of, “If you like science fiction, you’ll like The X-Files.” As you tell the DVR what shows you do and don’t like, it comes up with better suggestions.
ZSMS is free to all Zooskers, so when you log in, just take a moment to accept or decline the match it suggests. If you decline the match, ZSMS will soon offer you another to choose from. The more you use it, the better your matches will get. If you and your suggested match both click “Accept,” you’ll both be notified and you can take whatever next steps you like.
ZSMS is not yet at the point where it’s using your search settings. For now, it’s selecting profiles based on pretty basic criteria, such as age and proximity…We’re tweaking it regularly, taking member feedback into account. We’re pretty excited about it. Soon, ZSMS will be making some pretty solid matches and bringing people together!”
The Zoosk Scientific Matching System is free to all members. So you have nothing to lose but your time, patience, confidence, hope, and so on. Until now, I’m scoring a big, fat zero with Zoosk.
Tags: online dating blog, online dating news, online dating profiles, zoosk
Even a 4-Year Old Knows not to take NO for an Answer in Dating
Oct 5, 2010 Dating True Stories
Bear with me please. I know this is an online dating blog for singles. But I write it from Chandler, Arizona. It rained here today. To me, that’s breaking friggin online dating news! But wait…there’s more.
The storm blew my rocking chairs into the lake. That might have been a huge news story on Fox 10 in Phoenix had I called my buddy there. Anyway, the real story is my weather tragedy turned into a dating triumph…for my 4-year old.
Never Miss a Good Opportunity to Jump in a Puddle!
That’s one of the life lessons I’ve learned from my son. Today, we had a rare opportunity to act on it. So when I picked him up from preschool, we went feet first. Times like this between a single Daddy and a 4-year old boy with no adult supervision have their rewards.
After stopping home for dry clothes, we went to the indoor playland at the worldwide place with the golden arches. My little man always calls it “Old McDonald’s.” It amuses me every time so I have never corrected him.
No other people were there when we arrived. Within 30 seconds, not one but two adorable little girls his age appeared with a Mommy. Jackpot!
My son the hunter picked up the scent faster than a bloodhound on a prison break. “Daddy, I want to play with them,” he said as he locked on the targets. I replied, “Go get em Buddy.” To myself I thought, “That’s my boy!”
He had no time for small talk. There was no foreplay. Not even a hello. I laughed as he went right for the kill in boldly asking, “Do you want to play with me?” “No,” said one of the girls. Yep, just like his old man.
He came back to me to “Supersize” the “No” he got. It was an emphatic enough protest for the girls and the Mommy to hear. Actually, his disappointment might have been loud enough for Ray Kroc in his grave to hear. Then came the matchmaking breakthrough.
The Mommy called the girls over to her. When they broke their quick huddle, the girls offered to play with my boy. Aah. Young love was alive and well. Life was better than a Happy Meal. I thanked her for making us both smile.
The kids played well together for nearly two hours. The girls were really nice despite him being “All-Boy.” I watched my son chase two little beautiful girls in and out of slides and chutes, and shared some laughs with the Mommy of the one girl about him being so smitten with them. The good news is I think my son scored another “play date.”
Now it would be way too predictable to tell you the moral of the story here is, “Don’t Take No for an Answer” in your dating pursuits. Boring!
The real golden nugget of dating advice from my 4-year old is this. To increase your odds of getting a date – Always do your asking out within earshot of their Mommy.
Tags: 4-year old, online dating advice, online dating blog, online dating news
How Low Do You Go in Online Dating?
Sep 29, 2010 Dating True Stories
If you have more than a few minutes of experience in online dating, you know the above question is a fair one to ask. How low do you go in online dating? How low are you willing to go?
Okay, so maybe I’m a Mickey Mouse television journalist turned online dating blog dude. The photo to the left of Mickey and Goofy doesn’t lie. But really, I’m thinking of the low end of the online dating spectrum a little because of myself, but more because of interviews I’ve done recently with online dating users.
I spoke with a woman tonight who genuinely seemed pleased that so far none of the men she’s met online have turned out to be real psychos. Is that how we judge success in this thing called internet dating? On a brighter note, she is hoping her online dating experience gets much better when she meets the guy she’s been wanting to connect with but hasn’t yet due to their continued scheduling conflicts.
A guy I’ve talked to told me he’s lowered his expectations to the point that now when he meets a woman in person who he’s been communicating with online, if she’s within being 25 pounds heavier than her posted photos he considers that okay. Is that really okay to you?
Another attractive woman I know is dealing with her low expectations by intentionally putting up what is essentially a keep away sign on her online dating profile. She’s taken down her photos and listed her home cities as being in both the northern and southern parts of the United States. Is that a good state to finding one’s perfect match or soul mate?
How low do you go? Hopefully, you don’t go low at all. Singles shouldn’t do the limbo for love. No matter how many frogs you kiss that hop onto your path, hold on tight to your high hopes. Remember, it’s only that one prince or princess you are seeking.
Tags: internet dating, online dating blog, online dating profiles, singles
Las Vegas Shows Good Odds for Online Dating
Sep 24, 2010 Dating True Stories
It is one of the great marketing slogans today. “What happens in Vegas…stays in Vegas!” As someone who lives within driving distance of Las Vegas and goes there for business at times, I will do my best to not violate that code by writing this online dating blog post. But here is the real truth of some of what I witnessed.
Oh my! I was powerfully reminded of how much there is to see in Vegas. I’m not talking about the amazing hotel casinos, or the mountain views, or the city lights at night. I’m just talking about the people!
For a long time I’ve said if there was a real job for “people watching,” I’d be a highly sought after employee. I never get tired of it. And since launching BlogOlineDating.com, this was my first trip to the city of sin with a keen eye on dating.
I checked in to the Hilton. Leaving the elevator as I was entering, was a balding, big-bellied white man. He was about 60 years old and stood about 5’7. He was proudly accompanying a heavily tattooed African-American woman. She looked to be about 25 years old and stood about 6’0. Add a few more inches for the heels on her feet and you can imagine how they really stood out. Call me crazy, but I suspected this couple took a different road to the concept of paid online dating service. If you know what I mean. Wink. Wink.
That night while walking the Wynn, I couldn’t help but notice a group of tall young scantily clad women posing for every drooling guy with a camera they could. The one brunette kept saying about her blonde friend, “She’s a bride, not a slut.” Meanwhile, the bride had her hands up the short skirt of the brunette and was rubbing her everywhere she wanted.
Furthermore, regarding lesbian related activities, there seemed to be a big run on large lesbian couples featuring women who looked very much alike and seemed very happy. Also, as I was my on my way to the men’s room in a restaurant, I heard the bartender tell two young passion filled women, “Hey girls, you can’t do that here! You’ve gotta go!”
I lost count of how many just married couples I saw. The Elvis lookalike cab driver even told me about a popular Rent-a-Wedding-Gown business that gets him multiple fares every single day. It makes you wonder how many of those couples met through online dating.
The friends of mine I met for a business brunch met through Match.com. They’ve been living happily together for more than three years now. At a business dinner that night, two of the fellas I’ve recently met told me they both have enjoyed online dating success. One guy met his current wife through Match.com. Another guy met his current fiancée through Chemistry.com.
So, in my first Vegas visit since starting this blog, I saw the odds were pretty good that many people there may have found love and romance through online dating. But I couldn’t find anywhere to get odds on the bet I wanted. I would have loved to bet against that one young bride to be. From what I saw, there’s no way her new marriage is going to last a lifetime.
Tags: Las Vegas, online dating, online dating blog, online dating service
Attitude is Everything in Online Dating. I’ll Prove It!
Sep 19, 2010 Dating True Stories
Singles who think positive will have more success. I’ll get to that in a moment, and give you a valuable but free gift, too!
Attending college provided a wonderful setting and opportunity for me to learn about dating women. I’m a proud graduate of Temple University. The school is located in my hometown of Philadelphia, PA. One of the things I’m most proud of is in 4 years I never got mugged or carjacked making my way to and from campus through “da hood” of North Philadelphia.
Our school mascot is an owl. But Jesus knows I certainly wasn’t one of the 3 wisest men to ever attend Temple. I held frequent hidden keg parties on Friday mornings right inside the Student Activities Center of all places. If you’ve seen the impromptu party scene in the classic film, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” you get an idea of the insanity of my actions.
I also had the honor of being named “HomeComing Big Man on Campus” during my junior year. In one of my less than proud moments, the front page of the Temple News featured a big story on how I was intoxicated at the football game. I would have sued the paper for slander if only it wasn’t true.
An even more crushing blow was delivered to my young male ego. My hopes of creating a romantic remake of the classic film, “Love Story,” were dashed because the HomeComing Queen and I couldn’t have possibly been or looked any more like the stars of a new “Laurel & Hardy” movie instead. Only this one I didn’t find funny.
Like most guys who attended college, I still remember the women that got away, usually more than the ones who didn’t. Majoring in Radio-Television-Film, there was a stunning woman with blonde hair I saw throughout my four years of college. Her name was Nina Tod—-v. She was so breathtakingly beautiful to me that I could make myself a nervous wreck just thinking about her. I can’t tell you how many times I convinced myself that the next time I saw Nina Tod—v, I would somehow strike up a conversation with her. Nada on Nina. I never did.
In an amazing but true story, I actually ran into Pope John Paul II while I was a college student and shook his hand. Yeah, I could pull off a real-life miracle like that. But…
I couldn’t get a date with Nina Tod—v. I struck out in college with my silent crush on her more than the entire Philadelphia Phillies roster did during those 1979-83 Major League Baseball seasons. To this day, I could whack myself in the head with a bat for being such an idiot. So, if you know Nina Tod—v who went to Temple University, please send her a link to this blog post for the laugh of a lifetime.
No, I didn’t forget the headline. Here’s where I prove “Attitude is Everything” in Online Dating.
Temple University’s football team put on losing performances even more dreadful than mine with Nina Tod—v. But our basketball team got really good when the unique John Chaney became head coach. There were billboards all over the city with his picture and the marketing slogan, “Attitude is Everything.”
I latched onto that saying and used it many times over the years, often in a joking manner. But it always stuck with me. So, when I first became an author and started doing speeches to promote my first book which was a celebration of children, I thought about creative messages I wanted to share. I brainstormed on how to use one of my favorite sayings, “Attitude is Everything.” Eventually, I came up with something most audiences found to be quite memorable.
So without any further self-deprecation or rambling, here is my amazing proven formula for why “Attitude is Everything” in Online Dating:
- Spell the word attitude. A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E.
- Now assign a number to each letter based on where it is in the alphabet.
- A is the first letter. It gets a 1, and so on. Here goes:
- A -1
- T – 20
- T – 20
- I – 9
- T – 20
- U – 21
- D – 4
- E – 5
- Now add up all of those numbers. What do you get?
You should get 100. A-t-t-i-t-u-d-e equals 100! Attitude is 100%! “Attitude is Everything!”
Please be kind enough to share this online dating blog post and formula with some men or women you know who might be in the market for a boost of confidence in the world of online dating.
Now if only I thought of this when I had a chance with Nina Tod—v.
Tags: attitude, online dating blog
With September 11th, Most are from Mars. Victims are from Venus.
Sep 13, 2010 Dating True Stories
I know this is a “different” topic for an online dating blog. And that’s okay.
On September 11th, I stayed true to my goal and my word. I knew I had a hot date with my memories of being in New York. But I tried to get through the day being grateful and focused on where I was in the present.
I cherished the blessing of having custody of my 4-year old son on a not too hot sunny Saturday in Arizona’s Valley of the Sun. It was a formula that brought about many more smiles than tears. And thanks to my trusty digital camera and photogenic little boy, it helped me to create some wonderful new memories.
What I noticed again was that when it comes to the experience of September 11th, most people are from Mars. I’m talking both men and women. I’m also talking about Americans.
The folks from Mars it seems are the ones who remember and talk about 9-11 as though it somehow revolved around them. They speak of it in terms of where they were that day. They remember how they learned about the event. They remember they were watching it on TV. They remember how it altered their routines.
The people who appear to be from Venus are those of who who were directly connected or impacted by the powerful tragedies that took place 9 long and short years ago. We too remember where we were, and what we saw and heard. The difference is we too remember what we felt and still feel. And we remember how others felt and still feel, too.
In Arizona, it’s only natural that most people have a Mars-like experience. They were 2500 miles away from the World Trade Center. (It’s interesting, I originally wrote they “are” 2500 miles away as if those beautiful towers are still here). Anyway, the first tower was hit before six in the morning on Arizona alarm clocks.
But it’s okay to be different. And I spent the day of September 11th, 2010 recognizing it.
We had a scheduled morning play date at a nearby playground for my little boy and one of his best buddies from preschool. My son is caucasian. His friend is Chinese. I am divorced. His friend’s parents are happily married. Some parents at the playground participated in the fun with their children. Others paid more attention to their smart phones, seemingly hoping their kids didn’t get hurt too badly or run off with a stranger.
Of the hundred plus people there, two of us wore something that let others know we remembered. And that’s okay.
After the playground, my son and I then went shopping for a present for a new friend of mine. It created a whole new experience of differences. The guy we were shopping for is a real nice guy. I like him. He’s funny as hell and kind as heaven. He happens to have September 11th as a birthday. He happens to enjoy making jewelry. He also happens to be gay. We couldn’t be more different as men.
So, upon the wonderful recommendation of our mutual friend Karen, I carried my little boy into Michael’s, the arts and crafts store near our home in Chandler, Arizona. A female employee could tell right away I was lost and clueless. She led me to the beads section and was initially eager to help. But with question she asked about who I was shopping for, I actually noticed her step back physically and pull back emotionally. It was written all over her face. I couldn’t help but assume she was assuming I was gay and was shopping for my new “friend.” Now that was different.
We took our presents to the birthday party at a place in Phoenix that lets people create their own painted plates and pottery. Everyone in the place was so serious about what they were doing. Again, I couldn’t have been more different.
My son was like me. He soon was pulling me out the door because he wanted to go outside and play. We went to an awesome open area in the outdoor mall that has fountains coming up through the floor for kids to get wet. All of the other parents sat far away enough at tables to avoid getting wet. I was the one who wound up getting soaked from head to toe, including the discomfort of wet socks and sneakers. Again, I couldn’t have felt more different.
The day ended by helping a woman revamp her online dating profile for eHarmony. I took some photos of her and uploaded them. I also proofed what she had written and gave her some advice from a man’s perspective.
Needless to say, even more so than shopping for jewelry making supplies, this experience of seeing how women and men approach online dating was the crown jewel of recognizing differences on my September 11th. And that’s okay.
Tags: online dating blog, online dating profiles, september 11th
Debbie Does Millions
Sep 10, 2010 Dating True Stories
Yep. This is an online dating blog. So what? It doesn’t mean all of the content has to just be about using the internet for hooking up. In fact, with this post, we’ll be more than hooking you up. It’s sharing a story that can lift you up above the threatening thoughts and frightening forecasts of these challenging times.
Yep. This is online dating blog. So what? It doesn’t mean there can’t be real substance about real love, real life, and real people who can be inspirational and motivational when it comes to both love and life. In fact, I’d like to tell you about one such person, a new friend I just made. Chances are, you’ve heard about her.
Yep. Debbie Allen hails from Gary, Indiana, the same longtime troubled town that welcomed Michael Jackson to the world. Yep. Debbie Allen never went to college. So what? It doesn’t mean she isn’t smart, isn’t successful, isn’t wealthy and financially free, and isn’t a great student of business, life, and love. She’s all of those things and more, saying she specializes in Shameless Self-Promotion, Entrepreneurial Business Development, and Wealth Creation.
Yep. I went to visit with Debbie Allen in Scottsdale, Arizona yesterday. I also got to experience her as a live speaker for the first time. It showed clearly why she is one of the top female speakers and stage presenters in the world.
Yep. Debbie Allen is heroic yet humble. She’s a woman who has built and sold multi-million dollar businesses. Some she admits she was totally clueless about when she started.
Debbie spoke from the heart about how a year or so ago she was stuck in her life. Like so many of us she had to change the channel of the negative chatter she had going on her head. She did. And let’s just say now that Debbie Allen is unstuck and thriving.
While the struggling world economy has even reached the upper class of public speakers, Debbie transformed herself in the past year into a popular international speaker with rock star status in some foreign countries. She managed to raise her fees in the past year as most others were lowering theirs. Can I hear an “Atta Girl” for that?
Yep. Debbie Allen’s professional career is riding a new wave of success. But her personal life is equally successful and inspirational. She had a best friend, business partner, and relationship partner in love, all wrapped up in one. Peter is a successful real estate training professional in Australia. He was here in the immigration hot bed of Arizona living with Debbie. Through a chain of interesting events, he wound up getting deported and was sent down back under. And once again, “what doesn’t break you makes you stronger.”
Peter and Debbie have managed to keep their love alive. They’ve improvised, adapted and overcome their blessing originally disguised as an obstacle. They have survived the incredibly long distance love relationship. They Skype with each other online every night. They travel together. Debbie will now be living about half of the year with Peter in Australia. They are happy together and growing together.
Debbie Allen is living proof you can have it all in life. If you would like to have it all in your life, perhaps you can give her a long look and listen. You can come here to visit Arizona’s Valley of the Sun from November 19-21, 2010 to attend a wonderful weekend seminar Debbie Allen and partners are hosting. Here is the web address for more information: http://www.millionaireentrepreneursummit.com/
Yep, whether it’s inspiration for your love life, career, or personal life, I think you’d get an awful lot out of your weekend visit to Arizona with Debbie Allen.
Tags: debbie allen, millionaire entrepreneur summit, online dating, online dating blog
When it comes to UGLY: Where do you look in online dating?
Aug 25, 2010 Dating True Stories
Mister Softee
Today I heard from a friend who read yesterday’s blog post about the online dating site for only the ugly. She asked me some rather thought provoking questions: “So what is ugly? Were you writing about physically ugly or ugliness inside?”
Being a man and a card carrying member of the guy’s club, I immediately acknowledged that I was talking about the physical. For me, it all begins with sexual attraction in online dating. Come to think of it, it often ends with that, too. If sexual attraction is missing in action that is.
Til death do us part is a long, long time to be with someone to whom you view as ugly. Too many marriages of people supposedly in love and attracted to each other don’t work today. Life has too much stress, and there could also be too much temptation.
To enter into a romantic relationship with no sexual attraction seems foolish to me, and destined for divorce. It’s not just about the sexual relationship, but the intimacy, and sharing of trust, pleasure, and excitement that comes with it. Strictly platonic relationships are called friendships.
So, my friend was right. I shouldn’t have overlooked the physically attractive person on the outside who has a busload of ugliness inside. I’ve met my share of those. They don’t work either. Speaking of buses, those relationships are like bus trips that are enjoyable for a short while. But then you find out the driver got lost and the bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere. You’re then stranded, upset and wondering how you got to such a point.
I repeat…I’m a man, and a card-carrying member of the guy’s club. I admit, I’ll always focus on a woman who possesses my interpretation of physical beauty.
I know myself and my deepest longings. I am committed to pursuing a loving relationship with a woman for whom I feel sexual attraction. We will have to connect and be compatible for it to last. But she’s got to be someone I really like, really love, and really lust after. At least that’s the strategy of the internet dating search for me.
I have met some extraordinary women who just didn’t do it for me in the attraction department. I’m quite sure many women I’ve met have felt the same way about me. But we all must stay true to our relationship goals and dreams. So, the bottom line for me is I can’t settle for a woman who is physically or emotionally ugly to me. I could never cheat on my wife. So, I’d rather be alone and continue the hunt through an online dating service. This may be the wrong approach to many, but it feels like the right approach for me.
25 years from now I’ll still hope to be chasing my partner around the house, the garden, the hotel room, or the parking lot of the old folks home. Maybe I’ll forget where my teeth are on some of those occasions. Maybe I’ll be a viagra taking guy who looks like a flagpole on a condemned building. That’s okay.
I loved seeing the Mister Softee ice cream truck every chance I could as a kid. Now I don’t want him sitting outside my house in an intimate relationship.
Tags: internet dating, online dating service, relationships, ugly people
Sign of the Times: Will Work for Love & Sex
Aug 22, 2010 Dating True Stories
Online dating didn’t need any help from government. The degree of difficulty was already high. We’re in a multi-tasking world of texting while driving, and checking emails while checking out online dating profiles.
(Photo from billionswithzeroknowledge.org)
The men or women you open your heart to in efforts to connect can coldly dump you in an instant. You can be deleted while they’re sitting at a red light or checking out at the supermarket.
It’s A-B-C ya later. It’s “Bam you’re gone” by Blackberry. It’s “No I don’t think so” by iPhone.
Getting the attention of someone online to get an “at bat” to date them can often require a professional public relations effort. You’ve got to create the fantasy result. But real life isn’t always real pretty, especially in 2010.
When two people meet through online dating, they’re part actors and detectives, therapists and risk management analysts. They’re scoping each other out looking to see and hear if the real person resembles the online person they posted in words and photos. They’re looking to learn about who and where this other person is emotionally, mentally, spiritually, ethically, legally, and financially. They’re investigating to find out if there’s a possible match, and discovering the diamonds and dirt each person would be bringing into a relationship.
It creates a scenario that’s like where the Help Wanted section meets the Personal Ads…or where Dr. Ruth meets Judge Judy.
Many men and women today find their lives looking and sounding like the lyrics of a country music song. They lost their job their lost their wife or girlfriend, husband or boyfriend. So, they’ve courageously put themselves out there on the markets again, looking for work and looking for love – simultaneously. Having a partner to help you through tough times sure could make the struggling days and lonely nights a bit easier to manage.
So what’s a person to do, hold a sign at the traffic light near the local mall that reads, “Will Work for Sex and Love”?
Nah. While me thinks that might be a fairly effective strategy (since all you need is one), prostitution and panhandling are illegal in most places across the U.S. Besides, neither one is socially acceptable or the foundation for a lasting relationship. And anyway, where I live in Arizona, it’s 110 degrees every day standing on the street corners.
So, whether they realize it or not, many men and women doing online dating today are basically carrying signs and/or issues based on their emotions of trying to survive a struggling economy. These real world matters can affect one’s sense of self-worth, confidence, and approach to dating and relationships. They also affect how a potential partner may judge you.
Sadly, I’ve seen a few relationships crash and burn recently. They starred a man and a woman who shared magic between them. They were great individuals who came together to form an even greater couple. You couldn’t help but feel happy for them. But the economy was taking its toll on one of them, which quickly took its toll on both of them. The other person got scared. And the magic disappeared faster than you could say foreclosure or unemployment.
Today, the romantic stimulus can get kissed goodbye from a lack of economic stimulus.
People with a good work ethic don’t usually get lazy overnight. Situations change. Luck changes. Economies fluctuate. So, do housing prices. Even many of the mightiest and most successful men and women have had to eat huge servings of humble pie lately.
Whether you are doing online dating in Paradise Valley, Arizona, or Intercourse, Pennsylania, Christmas, Florida or Fort Bliss, Texas, there are plenty of good fish worth catching. Just because they may be down temporarily, doesn’t mean you abruptly count them out. Keep in mind, many relationships were either started in or survived the Great Depression. Ultimately, it’s what a person has in their heart, whether their personality, beliefs, likes and dislikes, dreams and feelings are compatible with yours.
As far as subjects of online dating today are graded, chemistry should count for more than accounting.
Who knows? You seeing enough of the goodness in a struggling man or woman to start a personal relationship with them could be all they need to rise up professionally and be better than ever. It’s also possible this person will truly appreciate you and work hard for your love.
Who knows? In this economy, you might be able to find the priceless love of your life at one temporarily low, low price. And nobody ever wants to pass up a great bargain.
Tags: internet dating, online dating, online dating profiles, sign of the times, struggling economy